Ilsa: so, did you set up an apt to see that house across the alley from me? Are you gonna be popping another Benadryl tonight?
Vladimir: I'm going to make chicken breasts marinated in balsamic vinegar and rosemary.
Vladimir: Or macaroni and cheese
Ilsa: ummm, okay
Vladimir: Nicole Richie and her boyfriend have broken up again.
Ilsa: I know, he probably wanted her to eat a sandwich and she refused
Vladimir: Ha!
Vladimir: And according to Us Magazine, Denise Richards is a man-stealing whore.
Ilsa: well that's according to everyone
Vladimir: I never thought that about her. Talentless bimbo, sure.
Ilsa: well, she was all over Ritchie Sambora, I think that qualifies as a man-stealing whore
Vladimir: But him and Heather split up.
Ilsa: yeah, but best friends don't bed best friend's so-to-be-exes. They were actually trying to work on their marriage. Well, I guess only Heather was
Vladimir: Heather and Denise were best friends? Since when?
Ilsa: umm, like 10 yrs
Vladimir: Oh. I guess I never cared that much
Vladimir: I have lost all respect for Heather Locklear now.
Ilsa: for Heather? Because she was friends with the stupid whore?
Vladimir: Yeah
Vladimir: Whoo. Just Can't Get Enough
Ilsa: what about my question about the house?
Vladimir: what about it?
Ilsa: did you do ir?
Ilsa: it
Vladimir: What?
Ilsa: My very first question to you was whether or not you set up an appointment to look at the house or if you would be popping Benedryl and you responded with the chicken breast comment
Vladimir: No way. I'm going to buy a duplex and be a mean evil landlord and kick someone out on their ass
Ilsa: noooo. You have to be my neighbor so we can terrorize the neighborhood
Vladimir: No, I can't afford to buy the size house I want. I'll have to stick with a duplex or condo. But not some arty-farty condo that costs the same as a duplex.
Ilsa: poo
Vladimir: I should leave the country
Ilsa: yes, immediately
Vladimir: I'd move to Ireland, but I can't stand being around drunks
Ilsa: and yet you hang around your family
Vladimir: My family aren't drunks. Crazy assholes, maybe
Ilsa: oh right, I was thinking of mine
Vladimir: Heh. You're Irish?
Ilsa: Partially
Vladimir: gaelic scum
Vladimir: I'm kidding. I love the Irish!
Ilsa: I saw the perfect tshirt for you, that I might just get
Vladimir: "You say potato, I say Flaming Queer"?
Ilsa: no, it's about Canadians
Vladimir: What's it say? Stay in your own country, you fucking canucks?
Ilsa: something like that
Vladimir: Sweet
Vladimir: Let's mail one to Anne Murray
Vladimir: Oh, and Jim Carrey
Ilsa: YES
Vladimir: Hurry before he makes another movie
Ilsa: YES, he must be stopped
Vladimir: I got your fun with dick and jane right here, Carrey!
Ilsa: I actually liked the original, I can only imagine how he screwed it up
Vladimir: I don't believe I've ever seen the original, but the remake commercials gave me hives.
Ilsa: It was actually pretty good, George Segal and Jane Fonda
Vladimir: The posters for the new one in Best Buy make Tea Leoni look like she's packing heat, if you know what I mean.
Ilsa: oh dear, I hope her pr person was fired
Vladimir: Let's make fun of the Scottish
Ilsa: k, You know my ex-husband was Scottish so that will be easy
Vladimir: Ahh, yes. I should have guessed
Vladimir: Did he enjoy his dram of whisky?
Ilsa: actually not a whiskey drinker
Vladimir: roll in fields of heather?
Ilsa: damn solicitors
Vladimir: Why are they rolling in fields of heather?
Ilsa: thwy should be rolling under a bus
Vladimir: do you mean salesmen or English lawyers?
Ilsa: salesmen
Vladimir: selling what?
Ilsa: American Express
Vladimir: Ahh, the 'convenience' of paying $75 a year membership fee all so you can pay off your entire balance every month.
Ilsa: yeah, how stupid is that
Vladimir: But, Ilsa, it's the 'prestige'
Ilsa: They can cram it
Vladimir: Now I feel like watching a caber toss
Ilsa: okay, I believe the Highlander games are in June
Vladimir: where?
Ilsa: I think at the Bavarian Inn
Vladimir: the restaurant? not much room to toss cabers in there
Ilsa: no, outside
Vladimir: I should go. I'll email Curry and see if he's participating.
Ilsa: Is he Scottish? I didn't know Curry was a Scottish name
Vladimir: Aye, lass, 'tis
Ilsa: hmm
Vladimir: Some of those knives he has are the scottish kilt knives
Ilsa: Is that a Scottish kilt knife or are you just happy to see me?
Vladimir: She'll be here all week folks!
Ilsa: unfortunately it's true
Vladimir: I should make Princess Tofu go to Scots Fest and trick her into eating haggis.
Ilsa: She must be pretty dumb if you can trick her into that
Vladimir: I can always try
Vladimir: I doubt she'll fall for it
Ilsa: Maybe you can get the troll to do it
Vladimir: The thought makes me quesy
Vladimir: My lunch tasted extra special because it came out of my Spongebob lunchbox.
Ilsa: special is the word alright
Vladimir: And I used my "wonder bread" plastic sandwich holder instead of a plastic bag.
Vladimir: it's a plastic container shaped like pieces of bread, so your sandwich fits in nice and snug
Ilsa: oh lord
Vladimir: and it came from my house, so it has cat hair all over it
Vladimir: Sweet! Britney Spears!
Vladimir: I'm A Slave 4U
Ilsa: I'm listening to Bombay the Hard Way
Vladimir: I win
Vladimir: Run to the store and get me some aged balsamic vinegar, split top wheat bread, deli turkey and ground turkey if it's on sale. Oh and some hearts of romaine, a cucumber and some vine-ripened tomatoes.
Ilsa: already did that
Vladimir: Is it upacked and ready to use?
Ilsa: yup
Vladimir: cool. You're the best
Ilsa: yes I am
Ilsa: Let's go to Art Bar
Vladimir: They might notice I'm not here
Ilsa: probably not
Vladimir: I think they're kind of retarded, but not blind
Ilsa: put a dummy in your chair
Vladimir: too late
Ilsa: will you please kill me?
Vladimir: Sure. Do you want to know about it? Or should it be a surprise?
Ilsa: no, just do it today
Vladimir: Too late for a mail bomb or a booby trap.
Vladimir: hee, I said 'booby'
Ilsa: just bring me some poison on your way home
Vladimir: Ok
Vladimir: I'm so bored over here I actually volunteered to do some of Chris' work
Vladimir: I was cruelly rebuffed
Ilsa: wow, he must be really bored too
Vladimir: or principaled. sucker
Vladimir: only the one who inflicts pain, can take it away
Ilsa: true
Vladimir: erotic
Vladimir: belly dancing class tonight?
Ilsa: no, that was yesterday. Just plain old work out night
Vladimir: that's still fun
Ilsa: true
Vladimir: bake some cookies
Ilsa: I think I'll clean
Vladimir: I need to de-sand my bathroom
Ilsa: good idea
Vladimir: it's like walking on the beach in there
Ilsa: hehe'
Vladimir: well, i have an hour and a half before I can sneak out of here
Ilsa: k, well I'll be here
Vladimir: have fun