Princess Tofu: Thanks for the newsletter you asshole.
Vlad Yakamura: What?
Princess Tofu: The Duke and The Doctor Newletter!!!!!!!
Vlad Yakamura: I honestly have no idea what you are talking about
Princess Tofu: Really?
Vlad Yakamura: Yes, what is the duke and the doctor?
Princess Tofu: The colon cleanse cuties
Vlad Yakamura: Oh, them
Vlad Yakamura: Yeah, that was probably me
Princess Tofu: I'm sure it was
Vlad Yakamura: Unless your mother is concerned about the length and girth of your turds
Princess Tofu: She doesn't have internet access
Vlad Yakamura: So you're saying if she did have access, she'd care? Do you post pics of them on the web?
Princess Tofu: no?
Vlad Yakamura: is that a question? I was asking you
Princess Tofu: I don't know?
Vlad Yakamura: Me neither?
Princess Tofu: Oh crap! she must be going to the library again!
Vlad Yakamura: Damn the public library system
Princess Tofu: Too much knowledge is a dangerous thing for old people.
Vlad Yakamura: and minorities
Vlad Yakamura: and the poor
Princess Tofu: damn the poor!
Vlad Yakamura: Let them eat cake
Vlad Yakamura: Oooh, carrot cake with cream cheese frosting
Vlad Yakamura: I could go for some of that
Princess Tofu: I'm still going on the chocolate cake thing.
Vlad Yakamura: I had brownies last week
Princess Tofu: Bitch.
Vlad Yakamura: They were soooo good.
Princess Tofu: Whatever
Vlad Yakamura: Orange zest and orange juice in the batter
Vlad Yakamura: Yummmmmmmmm
Princess Tofu: How come you never make me orange zest brownies?
Vlad Yakamura: Well since that was the first time I'd made them, it would have been hard for me to have made them for anyone before
Vlad Yakamura: And also I've made my spicy brownies several times for you before
Princess Tofu: Oooooh Spicy brownies!
Vlad Yakamura: Cayene pepper. Chipoltle chili powder. Chipotle peanuts
Princess Tofu: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
Princess Tofu: How'd your meeting go?
Vlad Yakamura: All my meetings are wonderful
Princess Tofu: All?
Vlad Yakamura: I may be lying
Princess Tofu: Really?!?
Vlad Yakamura: I know - shocker
Vlad Yakamura: Oh, the other reason I'm not jonesing on chocolate is that one of my clients sent me this huge box of different Hershey's candy
Princess Tofu: Oh god! How wonderful. It's like a dream come true.
Vlad Yakamura: A tin of chocolate covered pretzels, a box of caramel pecan things, a gigantic Hershey bar and a big box filled with kisses and mini Hershey bars
Princess Tofu: What did you do to deserve that?
Vlad Yakamura: I am an amazing developer with excellent client relationships
Princess Tofu: You are a kissass.
Vlad Yakamura: No, I just know my shit, baby
Princess Tofu: Whatever
Vlad Yakamura: What's new with you, butterbuns?
Princess Tofu: Nothing much. What you got going on homey
Vlad Yakamura: Just work. It's been a long week and I'm glad it's Friday
Vlad Yakamura: we have a consultant in who I want to run over with my car
Princess Tofu: I could do it for you. Just send a picture and consider it done.
Vlad Yakamura: He's leaving today and driving back home, so you'd have to wait in the parking lot today to see if he goes out for lunch.
Princess Tofu: I'm easy
Vlad Yakamura: Don't I know it
Princess Tofu: And half of the midwest
Vlad Yakamura: and so many of our brave men and women in the armed forces
Princess Tofu: I do it for my country
Vlad Yakamura: Don't we all
Princess Tofu: Yes indeed.'
Vlad Yakamura: I'm already hungry
Princess Tofu: You just got to work
Vlad Yakamura: Didn't eat breakfast
Vlad Yakamura: Just ran out the door
Princess Tofu: Try getting up earlier
Vlad Yakamura: I'm also confused. I'm the only one in my group here right now
Vlad Yakamura: Oh, and try biting me
Princess Tofu: You are the only one there? Maybe that's why you got chocolate. You actually work. Or maybe there is a meeting talking about you.
Vlad Yakamura: That's fine as long as they leave me alone
Princess Tofu: Maybe they are planning to usurp your mystical power.
Vlad Yakamura: Lend me the Droning Sword that I may smite them
Princess Tofu: And eat your brain to gain knowledge.
Vlad Yakamura: I keep my mystical powers in my spleen
Vlad Yakamura: knowledge in the liver
Princess Tofu: Won't they be surprised.
Princess Tofu: If you want some smiting done let me.
Vlad Yakamura: Ok
Princess Tofu: I like to smote,
Princess Tofu: and wear a helmet with horns
Vlad Yakamura: I still enjoy my spear and magic helmet
Princess Tofu: And so you should.
Princess Tofu: "Kill the wabbit....."
Vlad Yakamura: Thanks, Elmer
Princess Tofu: Your welcome
Princess Tofu: Damn. Now I'm hungry.
Vlad Yakamura: Cinna-stackers at IHOP
Princess Tofu: Never had them. I'm not really sure if I
Princess Tofu: really would like them
Princess Tofu: Although......Pancakes would be good.
Princess Tofu: Mmmmmmmmm, pancakes.
Vlad Yakamura: I heart pancakes
Vlad Yakamura: and sausage
Vlad Yakamura: and scrambled eggs
Vlad Yakamura: Oooh, hashbrowns
Princess Tofu: Oh, crispy hashbrowns.
Princess Tofu: This is starting to sound like "anorexic porn"
Vlad Yakamura: Fat porn
Princess Tofu: either way
Vlad Yakamura: I could totally leave right now and head to a diner for breakfast
Princess Tofu: Who would notice. There's nobody there.
Vlad Yakamura: There is now
Princess Tofu: damn. so close to freedom to be thwarted.
Vlad Yakamura: I hear ya
Princess Tofu: brb
Princess Tofu: hello
Vlad Yakamura: goodbye
Vlad Yakamura: Look, we're the Beatles
Princess Tofu: yeah! I want to be the rich one.
Princess Tofu: Who isn't dead
Vlad Yakamura: Well, I don't want to be Paul. I'll be Ringo
Vlad Yakamura: You can be married to FakeLeg
Princess Tofu: Now wonder he was smoking a lot of weed. That must have been one hell of a first date.
Vlad Yakamura: I had no idea she was a hooker
Princess Tofu: If you ask him, she was.
Princess Tofu: It was "unpretty"woman
Vlad Yakamura: Instead of jewelry, he takes her leg shopping
Princess Tofu: Something lovely made of ivory
Vlad Yakamura: whalebone
Princess Tofu: With scrimshaw on it.
Vlad Yakamura: and a secret compartment for opium
Princess Tofu: But of course.
Princess Tofu: Doesn't everyone have the pirate fantasy?
Vlad Yakamura: Aye
Princess Tofu: Arrrrrrrrrgh!
Vlad Yakamura: I had such a hard time falling asleep last night
Princess Tofu: Why?
Vlad Yakamura: No idea
Princess Tofu: Maybe you should see a doctor about that.
Vlad Yakamura: or just take a sleeping pill next time
Vlad Yakamura: or some opium
Princess Tofu: Oh, I'm onboard with the opium
Vlad Yakamura: that's because you grow your own poppies
Princess Tofu: what's wrong with be self-sufficient?
Princess Tofu: It's not like i'm trying to get you to "BUY MY POPPIES".
Vlad Yakamura: I just got my girl scout cookies. be sure and take a box home with you, tomorrow
Princess Tofu: what kind?
Vlad Yakamura: Thin Mints and Peanut Butter Sandwiches
Princess Tofu: What, no lemonades?
Vlad Yakamura: Did I say Lemonades?
Princess Tofu: i guess not. sorry
Vlad Yakamura: You can take a sleeve of the Thin Mints from the freezer
Princess Tofu: Thank you.
Vlad Yakamura: Or a container of soup
Princess Tofu: Oh soup! What did you make?
Vlad Yakamura: I have corn chower in there
Vlad Yakamura: and some chicken noodle
Princess Tofu: Corn chowder!!!!!!!!
Vlad Yakamura: Yes, but I made a mistake in the recipe
Vlad Yakamura: When you reheat it, you have to add milk
Princess Tofu: Little thick?
Vlad Yakamura: No, just missing that chowdery element
Vlad Yakamura: I ate a bowl of it sans milk before I realized it was missing
Vlad Yakamura: It's just a very thick corn soup. The milk makes it extra creamy
Princess Tofu: Just like porrige
Vlad Yakamura: It was juuuust right.
Princess Tofu: Lovely.
Vlad Yakamura: But some blonde bitch kept trying to get in
Princess Tofu: Figures.
Princess Tofu: Is your border upstairs gone?
Vlad Yakamura: Yep
Vlad Yakamura: Heh, my boarder. I feel like an old widow-woman on Little House
Vlad Yakamura: Yes, I take in boarders now that my Johnathan has passed
Princess Tofu: You look like an old widow woman.
Vlad Yakamura: Fair enough. Coming from a teamster, I mean
Princess Tofu: Jealous
Vlad Yakamura: Sure
Princess Tofu: It's not easy being butch
Vlad Yakamura: Butch? I was referring to the stubble
Princess Tofu: Fuck you.
Vlad Yakamura: Oooh, hostile
Vlad Yakamura: gonna go on strike?
Princess Tofu: Eat me Nancy.
Vlad Yakamura: I still have 1 1/2 hours before lunch
Princess Tofu: Seems like an eternity doesn't it.
Princess Tofu: I can eat lunch right now! Hah!
Vlad Yakamura: I could, too, but I like to split the day up
Princess Tofu: that's nice
Vlad Yakamura: I want to go to Barnes & Noble, too
Princess Tofu: Okay. bye