Ilsa: Yea! Garbage rocks
Vlad: I hear that, sister
Ilsa: what are you listening to now?
Vlad: Can you tell the people standing around my cubicle babbling to shut the fuck up?
Ilsa: sure, glad to
Vlad: Thanks. Use your legendary charm and tact
Ilsa: hehe
Vlad: I'm not listening to anything right now. Working on the birthday story for the newsletter
Ilsa: oh lord
Vlad: I need some more story ideas
Ilsa: sorry, I don't have amy, perhaps my dad might
Vlad: I'm sure you'd have some if you thought hard enough
Ilsa: true, I'll have to get back to you on that
Vlad: Hurry up, deadline's coming up and I gotta put this sucker to bed
Ilsa: I can't take the pressure
Vlad: Why don't you write a satirical column
Ilsa: good idea
Vlad: Or a gardening column on the care of catnip
Ilsa: hehe
Vlad: How about a cat advice column?
Ilsa: oh yeah, I could do that. Dear Lola, my cat is just so listless, what should I do?
Vlad: Your attitude is exactly why I don't drink French wine
Ilsa: Do they make it in a box now?
Vlad: Oui. Le Vintagé Cube
Ilsa: Speaking of white trash, have you heard from our Republican Housewife friend?
Vlad: Ooooh, burn! And no.
Ilsa: was that catty? Sometimes, I can't help myself
Vlad: I can. But won't
Ilsa: that's why we have so much fun
Vlad: too bad you're jewish
Ilsa: too bad you're mexican or whatever your dubious lineage turns out to be
Vlad: No. otherwise our theme song could be "Goys Just Want To Have Fun"
Ilsa: hehe
Vlad: And I'm Russian/Japanese
Ilsa: well, so am I
Vlad: what's the Russian drinking toast?
Ilsa: l'strovia, I believe
Vlad: Za vashe zdorovye!
Ilsa: oh, did you google that?
Vlad: Kanpai!
Vlad: I never google in public
Ilsa: Isn't that Japanese?
Vlad: Kanpai is, yes
Ilsa: I was trying to figure out what that gasbag Anne Coulter was all-over the news this week and now I found the article
Vlad: Her new book. Godless
Vlad: and the fact that she's really a man
Ilsa: well, it's what she's been saying about the 911 widows
Vlad: Oh that. she's such a heinous bitch
Ilsa: seriously
Vlad: It's only 1:30
Ilsa: I know, but that's fine with me, I don't have to work w/the losers you do
Vlad: true
Vlad: Timir wants a toaster oven for his birthday
Ilsa: Well Mini wants a Jaguar
Vlad: Asha wants a blender. A good one, with a glass containter, not plastic
Ilsa: Skittles needs therapy
Vlad: I can't help with that
Ilsa: true, first he needs to admit he has a problem
Vlad: 'nip addiction?
Ilsa: yeah, it's bad. I can't talk to him about it, he just shuts me out
Vlad: let's stage an intervention
Vlad: What issue could cats be on opposite sides of?
Ilsa: neutering?
Vlad: I want to do a point/counterpoint thing but call it Cat/CounterCat
Vlad: I need an issue they could disagree on
Ilsa: immigration
Ilsa: sales tax increase
Ilsa: AFTA
Vlad: what's afta?
Ilsa: American Free Trade Agreement
Vlad: sounds dull
Vlad: I have an ATRA razor
Ilsa: boy, you're hard to please
Ilsa: death penalty
Vlad: I think they'll argue about the best place to play in the house
Vlad: bathtub versus under my bed
Ilsa: how about flushable vs non-flushable litter
Vlad: they don't give a shit. pardon my pun
Vlad: besides, the litter change is my lead story
Ilsa: hehe
Ilsa: well, let's blow the lid off the Science Diet scandal
Vlad: That's in development as an exposé next issue
Vlad: I'm going to ambush a Science Diet executive outside his office with a camera and microphone. "Sir, is it true you use chicken parts in your cat food? Sir? Sir?"
Ilsa: That's good stuff
Vlad: Thanks. I'm hoping it gets picked up as a series by Cat Fancy
Ilsa: They might hire you on full-time as their ace reporter
Vlad: Well, I'm not going to lie to you. A story like that will make me some enemies.
Ilsa: True, have you looked into the witness protection program?
Vlad: for journalists? these days? I'll be lucky if Dick Cheney himself doesn't shoot me in the face.
Ilsa: well, you could just be an ordinary citizen and he'd do that
Vlad: I know. It makes life a little more exciting, doesn't it? Knowing that at any moment, the VP of the US, drunk off his ass could suddenly show up with a gun and get you right in the kisser?
Ilsa: I don't make this shit up folks
Vlad: I wonder if we'll get adjoining cells at Guantanamo? Or do they segregate?
Ilsa: Unfortunately they segregate unless the guards want to use us for their amusement
Vlad: Here's hoping
Ilsa: clink clink
Vlad: Kanpai!
Ilsa: poor Keanu Reeves wants to be married, he's lonely
Vlad: get a hooker
Vlad: or a cat. but for different reasons, of course
Ilsa: I certainly hope so
Vlad: either way, it's fun with pussy
Ilsa: ooooohhh, dirty
Vlad: Thanks. I'm working blue these days
Vlad: the kids seem to like it
Ilsa: do they?
Vlad: who cares?