Dr. McWhore: Hello Beautiful!
Vladimir Yakamura: Wow, someone woke up on the right side of an upper this morning
Dr. McWhore: It's better living through chemistry
Vladimir Yakamura: I guess it is
Dr. McWhore: What you up to?
Vladimir Yakamura: Crusing for boys. I want to reenact some of the scenes from that lovely advertisement I found on my lawn.
Vladimir Yakamura: "He's no longer a man, but a girl-boy"
Vladimir Yakamura: Oh, the shame
Dr. McWhore: Fantastic! Everybody's gotta have goals.
Vladimir Yakamura: We're you still looking for a tea kettle?
Vladimir Yakamura: "we're"?
Vladimir Yakamura: what the fuck was that? It's "were you looking"
Dr. McWhore: Whaaat the hell? Yes i am.
Vladimir Yakamura: What would you say to a stainless steel one in a bullet shape with a whistling device?
Dr. McWhore: Yeah!
Vladimir Yakamura: It was on my stove and I forgot
Dr. McWhore: Okay and where did you get it from?
Vladimir Yakamura: The same place as my paisley cookie jar
Dr. McWhore: ??????
Vladimir Yakamura: It's a store with many departments. Let's, for sake of the argument, call it a department store
Dr. McWhore: Okay, I'm with you so far
Vladimir Yakamura: Great!
Vladimir Yakamura: So, what are you doing?
Dr. McWhore: Talking to you. what are you doing?
Vladimir Yakamura: talking to you, too. weird~
Dr. McWhore: I checked the weather report for the week this morning. It's supposed to be in the 50's the whole week in the U.P. . Oh, and it;s supposed to rain every day!
Vladimir Yakamura: My prayers worked
Dr. McWhore: So did mine with the "house fire" episode. Wait to you see what's coming next.
Vladimir Yakamura: Eh, i'm numb
Dr. McWhore: Can you say, "Fire Ants"?
Vladimir Yakamura: In the fall? I don't think so
Dr. McWhore: Not when you have them shipped in!;)
Vladimir Yakamura: They'd die in the cold
Vladimir Yakamura: bring it on, bitch
Dr. McWhore: The best is yet to come. I'm testing your endurance for tragic things that just seem to happen to you. My brother Pat used to call them "Golden Days".
Vladimir Yakamura: Whatever. Surly Acres rebukes you
Dr. McWhore: I say "Feh" to Surly Acres!
Vladimir Yakamura: Surly Acres'd kick your ass in a bar fight
Dr. McWhore: Not against the "Blackhole of Joylessness". My house is ass kickin in a fight.
Vladimir Yakamura: Ok, whatever. That got dumb. I'm thinking of running out and buying a bird feeder. And maybe checking out the new Target. I have to find a Steins garden and get some agent orange, too
Dr. McWhore: There is a steins right up hwy 100 at beloit .
Vladimir Yakamura: well, there you go
Vladimir Yakamura: It truly is a wonderland of a neighborhood
Dr. McWhore: It is a king of paradise, isn't it?
Vladimir Yakamura: More like a Duke or Court Jester
Vladimir Yakamura: scullery maid?
Dr. McWhore: Or a cousin twice removed.
Dr. McWhore: With a wandering eye and a limp.
Vladimir Yakamura: Yes, one of the horse-faced ones that we don't invite to reunions
Vladimir Yakamura: One who may or may not have been secretly responsible for a series of streetwalkers' deaths in Victorian London
Vladimir Yakamura: Or was that Edwardian?
Dr. McWhore: With a raging case of the Syph.
Vladimir Yakamura: It's the disease of psychotics. I think it's the eating away at the cerebral cortex that does it.
Dr. McWhore: I'm no scientist, but, I'm guessing that's it.
Vladimir Yakamura: I thought you were a scientist
Dr. McWhore: Okay, you caught me. I wonder if it is mandatory to get the Syph if you are Psychotic?
Vladimir Yakamura: Depends on what year you were talking about. I figured you were a scientist. Otherwise, why have I been calling you Dr. Bitchface McWhore this whole time?
Dr. McWhore: Wow! That was personal
Dr. McWhore: That 's only for when we are alone.
Vladimir Yakamura: If that's true, then why did you use that as the title for your last spoken-word album?
Dr. McWhore: no comment
Vladimir Yakamura: Paging Dr. McWhore. Please come to the sassy ward, stat!
Dr. McWhore: It's a tribute to my Scottish roots.
Vladimir Yakamura: Wouldn't that have MacWhore? Dr. Cheaply MacWhore?
Dr. McWhore: No. MC or Mac is acceptable.
Vladimir Yakamura: Who really cares about any of those drunk countries, anyway?
Dr. McWhore: Surly Acres is growing on you.
Dr. McWhore: You are an incredible bitch.
Vladimir Yakamura: I'm choosing to ignore that. That's the power that Surly Acres gives me. The power to ignore assholes.
Dr. McWhore: Whatever!
Vladimir Yakamura: Is there a goddam packers game on today?
Dr. McWhore: I'm not sure. But that should make target your own personal wonderland if there is one.
Vladimir Yakamura: If there is, I might zip out to Cedarburg
Dr. McWhore: Going for wine?
Dr. McWhore: Or boys
Vladimir Yakamura: And the hot pepper store
Dr. McWhore: What hot pepper store?
Vladimir Yakamura: do they have a boy store in Cedarburg
Vladimir Yakamura: Can i get one to mow the lawn
Dr. McWhore: In shorts?
Vladimir Yakamura: it's kind of chilly for that, but whatever floats his boat. as long as the lawn gets done
Dr. McWhore: Where is the hot pepper store?
Vladimir Yakamura: used to be in the mall
Vladimir Yakamura: they sell hot sauce and tabasco merch
Dr. McWhore: God it's been years since i have been there.
Vladimir Yakamura: Well, you're a loser
Vladimir Yakamura: do you work tonight?
Dr. McWhore: Hell no! I have to get my rest. I'm driving first.
Vladimir Yakamura: Well, we could zip out there. It only takes 20 minutes
Vladimir Yakamura: ziiiiiiiiiiiiiiip
Dr. McWhore: I'm not even showered or dressed. Let's hit it next saturday together.
Vladimir Yakamura: well, i was thinking today, my little creampuff, it wouldn't be busy if there was a packer game. I think saturday's at the mall are heinous
Dr. McWhore: I'll buy lunch!!!!?!!
Vladimir Yakamura: how fucking long does it take you to shower? just rinse off and put on a hat
Vladimir Yakamura: no one's is entering us in any best dressed competitions
Dr. McWhore: I'm getting all my shit together for vacation a-hole. Just go and we can go again next saturday.
Vladimir Yakamura: Whatever. I'm trying to be nice and spontaneous. It would have taken no time at all and you could have been back and doing whatever by 2 or 3pm. But, no
Dr. McWhore: I can't. I was supposed to have my shit over there yesterday and instead went by you. My mom stayed up til 1AM waiting for me. I got a bitchy call this morning.
Vladimir Yakamura: Eh, tell your fucking mother to blow it out her ass
Dr. McWhore: She's paying for my lodging and food. I'll wait until after vacation.
Vladimir Yakamura: Tell your fucking mother you're a grown woman and will do whatever the hell you want without listening to her whiny bullshit
Dr. McWhore: I don't need her to be a howler monkey for the next five days, thank you.
Vladimir Yakamura: Eh, push her down some stairs.
Dr. McWhore: In her chair. Wouldn't that be dramatic!
Vladimir Yakamura: Push her down a big hill
Dr. McWhore: Tell you what, i can load up my car with all my stuff and just go from your house to hers when we get back.
Vladimir Yakamura: No, I don't want to cause tension in the keith household. I will probably run a bunch of errands and then head out to C'burg
Dr. McWhore: Okay. Can we still make a day of it next saturday?
Vladimir Yakamura: Sure, I'm easy
Dr. McWhore: I think that would be rather enjoyable even though i'll be with you.
Vladimir Yakamura: Surly Acres Ignoring Power - Activate!
Dr. McWhore: Maybe we can find a nice place with soup for lunch?
Vladimir Yakamura: soup is good food
Dr. McWhore: I love soup.
Vladimir Yakamura: soup and bread
Dr. McWhore: Yeeeeeesssssssss!
Vladimir Yakamura: and cheese
Dr. McWhore: not so much
Vladimir Yakamura: i loves me some cheese
Dr. McWhore: And cheese loves you!
Vladimir Yakamura: in a very special way, yes
Dr. McWhore: I don't want to know.
Dr. McWhore: Go do your errands and enjoy the day.
Vladimir Yakamura: bye McWhore
Dr. McWhore: That's Physical Therapy to you!