Vladimir Yakamura: Welcome to first Smith Mock Conversion!
Princess Tofu: Oh lucky stars!
Princess Tofu: Are you on call for the weekend?
Vladimir Yakamura: Hell fucking no
Vladimir Yakamura: It's just today
Princess Tofu: Good ! When does your vacation start? Monday?
Vladimir Yakamura: Technically, I begin vacationing the minute I leave here on Friday
Princess Tofu: Has the conversion actually started yet? Cause I'll give it about 5 minutes before it goes south.
Vladimir Yakamura: The whole thing started on Monday. The part I remotely give a shit about is this morning. And I give that part about 5 minutes before it goes south.
Princess Tofu: Sounds about right!
Vladimir Yakamura: It's only 11 files, so it's really, really small. Should not be the headache that the last conversion was. Also, Retardulon is no longer an island unto herself, she is now supervised.
Princess Tofu: When the hell did that happen? When they found out how much it would cost to maintain a monkey to do her job?
Vladimir Yakamura: They reorganized a while ago and shoved her into a bigger group because she's such a fucking moron.
Princess Tofu: Oh JOY! More people to piss off!
Princess Tofu: Why don't they just break her leg and have her put down.
Vladimir Yakamura: As long as someone's taken responsibility for her, I don't care
Princess Tofu: You should care. Her idiot disease could spread and infect others. I think she should be burned to prevent contagion.
Vladimir Yakamura: Well, she is a witch. I say burning's too good for her
Princess Tofu: Well, technically you should prick her with sharp objects before you throw her into the river. It should be done by the book.
Vladimir Yakamura: No, I mean burning's too good for her in general. She should be stamped to death by wildebeests
Princess Tofu: OOOOOHHHHH! Me likey!
Princess Tofu: Or perhaps torn asunder by llamas.
Vladimir Yakamura: $162.82
Princess Tofu: Heh?
Vladimir Yakamura: That's what the PDA sold for.
Princess Tofu: Sweet!
Princess Tofu: brb
Vladimir Yakamura: did you die?
Princess Tofu: no. I have been waiting for you to answer after I said i was back, Ass!
Vladimir Yakamura: You didn't say you were back, bitch
Princess Tofu: yes I did. Right after the brb. I can still see it on the screen bitch.
Vladimir Yakamura: well, it never got to me, mattress-back
Princess Tofu: fuck you!!!
Vladimir Yakamura: skank
Princess Tofu: Whore!
Vladimir Yakamura: Log Cabin Republican
Princess Tofu: OOOOHHHHH! That hurt's. Take it back.
Vladimir Yakamura: No way, you openly-gay politician actively fighting against your own interests, you
Princess Tofu: You kiss your mother with that mouth? How dare you call me self serving you anus!
Vladimir Yakamura: I never called you self-serving. That would just be mean.
Princess Tofu: That's just lipstick on a pig. It makes the pig pretty, but it's still a pig.
Vladimir Yakamura: I don't recall ever seeing you in lipstick.
Princess Tofu: Wow! Someone got up on the Bitchy side of the bed today!
Vladimir Yakamura: My bed only has one side.
Princess Tofu: Yes. The Bitchy one!
Vladimir Yakamura: I prefer to think of it as 'caustically witty'
Princess Tofu: I prefer to call you a prick!
Vladimir Yakamura: I prefer to run you over with a truck
Princess Tofu: OOOHH! I love senseless violence.
Vladimir Yakamura: Then you'll love the Xmas presents I'm giving out this year.
Princess Tofu: Please tell me they are dangerous.
Vladimir Yakamura: No, but personal. A punch in the throat.
Princess Tofu: Good. That will go with the violent kick to the groin I was saving for your birthday.
Vladimir Yakamura: Great. Make sure it's wrapped in a pretty box
Princess Tofu: As you wish!
Princess Tofu: I'll even throw in an ice pack just for the hell of it.
Vladimir Yakamura: Mmmm, chilly
Princess Tofu: Painfully delicious!
Vladimir Yakamura: That reminds me, I need to get a 'magically delicious' shirt
Vladimir Yakamura: I also need to find an accountant
Princess Tofu: I can point to you one.
Vladimir Yakamura: I can point to a lot of things.
Princess Tofu: Scratch that. I can point you to one.
Vladimir Yakamura: I understood your meaning.
Princess Tofu: I'm pointing to you right now with the naughty finger.
Vladimir Yakamura: I'm not using a finger at all
Princess Tofu: What are you using? She asked with an air of curiosity.
Vladimir Yakamura: My pen, of course. Get your mind out of the gutter
Princess Tofu: Oh! now i"m giving you the finger in my head!
Vladimir Yakamura: I'm making a list for Targét
Princess Tofu: OH GOD! It's going to be the national debt of Bolivia!
Vladimir Yakamura: Uh, ok
Vladimir Yakamura: I just need some basics, mostly cleaning stuff.
Vladimir Yakamura: Paper towels, air fresheners
Princess Tofu: That should work out to about a $1000.
Vladimir Yakamura: I also need the blue toilet disks
Princess Tofu: Because new sheets, a few lamps, curtains, kitchen stuff, and misc. will be attached to that.
Vladimir Yakamura: sleeping pills, shaving cream, papel hygencio
Vladimir Yakamura: Nah, I don't need any of that stuff yet.
Vladimir Yakamura: I will need new curtains for the living room as I have those horrible slat blinds in there now
Princess Tofu: Go to sam's club. You can get papel hygencio by the short ton.
Vladimir Yakamura: Sam's Club blows. And I'm one person. A four pack will do me just fine.
Princess Tofu: My parents are 2 people and my mom has a stockpile for the next 20 years. I've never figured that out. They must have 120 rolls of toilet paper. I suspect they are going to become presents now that my dad retired.
Vladimir Yakamura: Merry Xmas to you!
Princess Tofu: And to you too. I regift.
Vladimir Yakamura: I need cleaning stuff to scrub the new place and make an attempt to spruce up Casa Despair
Vladimir Yakamura: Air fresheners for the new place to get the white guy smell out of the place
Princess Tofu: The only thing that will spruce up casa despair is a good cleansing fire.
Vladimir Yakamura: Oh, so cleansing. Fire. So pure, so good. Mmmmmm
Princess Tofu: I'm getting all giggly just thinking about it.
Vladimir Yakamura: If it burns down, we have to make sure the people in front are trapped inside. Along with that broken down car.
Princess Tofu: Maybe we could start the car on fire and push it into the house.
Vladimir Yakamura: That's an awesome plan
Vladimir Yakamura: meet me at midnight with a container of gasoline
Princess Tofu: I'll bring more than a container! And some marshmallows.
Vladimir Yakamura: Ooh, arson s'mores! I love those
Princess Tofu: We can nibble and swill down some dirty martinis.
Vladimir Yakamura: is that an arson drink? I would have thought something more fruity
Princess Tofu: Like what?
Vladimir Yakamura: Rum punch?
Princess Tofu: Only if it's on fire!
Vladimir Yakamura: Hah! I was just going to say that!
Princess Tofu: Great minds think alike!
Vladimir Yakamura: what else do I need from Target? I know there was more.
Princess Tofu: Windex, Paper towels, plastic bags, dish soap?
Vladimir Yakamura: Oh, yes Windex.
Vladimir Yakamura: I need to clean the front windows so I can put up a bird feeder.
Princess Tofu: What happened to your other one?
Vladimir Yakamura: It was kind of rotting and there was no place to put it in the new place, so I left it.
Princess Tofu: Maybe you could put up a spike with fetid meat to attract the vultures. That ought to give the cats a treat.
Vladimir Yakamura: I think a simple feeder will be just fine.
Vladimir Yakamura: Just the thing to make the cats crazy.
Princess Tofu: Party pooper!
Vladimir Yakamura: Please do not refer to me as a soireé defecator.
Princess Tofu: whatever.
Vladimir Yakamura: Maybe I'll put a birdbath in the back
Princess Tofu: I need to get some sleep. My funky prozac dreams await.
Vladimir Yakamura: Have fun
Princess Tofu: I always do!
Princess Tofu: bye
Vladimir Yakamura: bye