Vladimir: Hey Sugarplum Fairy
Vladimir: Ignore me, I don't care.
Funkiller: good.
Funkiller: What are you doing butt head?
Vladimir: Talking to an ass face.
Funkiller: Then we are a match made in heaven.
Vladimir: yeah, heaven
Funkiller: Whateva!
Vladimir: what are you doing?
Funkiller: I'm naked and touching myself in a bad way.
Vladimir: What else is new?
Funkiller: how's work?
Vladimir: The usual
Funkiller: God how do you hold that enthusiasm in?
Vladimir: It's hard. It's like I'm wearing a girdle in my head
Funkiller: I'd pay to see that.
Vladimir: then pay you shall
Funkiller: I already have. Every day of my miserable, stinking life.
Vladimir: huh?
Funkiller: You,ve never worked at my job. There are days I just pray for something to fall on me.
Vladimir: I find that with every job that must be done, there is an element of fun.
Vladimir: If you find the fun, then zap, the job's a game.
Funkiller: Really confucious. Tell me more.
Vladimir: That was Mary Poppins, actually
Funkiller: A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.......
Vladimir: cuts the cocaine, too
Funkiller: YES IT DOES!
Vladimir: It's a quarter to 10 on a fucking Wednesday morning. Where the fuck is everyone in mortgage office?
Funkiller: They probably are having a meeting about you.
Vladimir: assholes! I knew it
Funkiller: No need to be paranoid. Just because you think everyone is talking about you doesn't mean they aren't.
Vladimir: I don't care if they talk about me, as long as they answer their phones and help me
Funkiller: Help is not what they are about.
Vladimir: Yes, but they can stop money-grubbing for a few minutes
Funkiller: It's really hard when you are in the middle of quashing someone's hopes and dreams.
Vladimir: If anyone should know that, it's us
Vladimir: well, you, mostly
Funkiller: Hell yeah! I'm not depressed for nothing.
Vladimir: I'm too busy and stressed to be depressed
Funkiller: That's okay. I'm depressed enough for the both of us.
Vladimir: try working out. it's supposed to help
Funkiller: Great. So i can be tired and DEPRESSED. Sheer genius!
Vladimir: it might give you energy
Funkiller: And make my ass BOOTYLICIOUS!
Vladimir: see? upside
Funkiller: True. Then I can be manic and blow lots of money and have tons of unprotected sex.
Vladimir: Um. Ok
Funkiller: Well at least until the voices tell me to kill again.
Vladimir: I have a fruit salad for lunch
Funkiller: Really? Homemade or store bought?
Vladimir: store bought
Funkiller: That's lovely. I just bought some cherries and pineaplle at the store.
Vladimir: good for you
Vladimir: I see cherries are on sale at pick n save
Funkiller: What else is new?
Vladimir: I think Banquet frozen dinners are on sale 10 for $10
Funkiller: I bought the cherries from picknsave and saved 9.62 on them. When I first printed the tag it said 14.62 cents I almost had a stroke.
Vladimir: I heart cherries
Funkiller: I still can't believe they are normally 5.99 a pound. That makes me cry.
Vladimir: A failed coup makes me cry
Funkiller: I know how you feel.
Vladimir: bloodless coups make me cry, also
Funkiller: What's the point of having a coup unless it's bloody?
Vladimir: I hear that
Funkiller: Just think. I could take over some little country in the third world and have my own little "Banana Republic".
Vladimir: Too bad you're name's not Mary
Funkiller: Why?
Vladimir: Bloody Mary
Funkiller: Very nice.
Vladimir: thanks
Funkiller: South Pacific?
Vladimir: I suppose Killer Kelly
Funkiller: Any name would be fine. Just as long as I could satisfy my meglomanical bloodlust.
Vladimir: Funkiller still rocks
Funkiller: I am the Funkiller.
Vladimir: Oh, I know
Funkiller: What's that supposed to mean? Am i not the bringer of joy and jocularity?
Vladimir: Actually, as the Funkiller, you bring the exact opposite
Funkiller: Just seeing if you were paying attention.
Vladimir: Darkness and wailing of teeth follow where ever you shall go
Funkiller: Sing it sistah, sing it.
Vladimir: I don't sing
Funkiller: Sorry!
Vladimir: Don't be sorry, just be contrite
Funkiller: I'll try my best.
Vladimir: contriter!
Funkiller: SORRY! "sniff" "sniff"
Vladimir: eh, totally fake, but I'm too tired to argue
Funkiller: I'm hitting my self with the cat'o'nine tails right now. Is that good enough?
Vladimir: Oh, please, you do that every day
Funkiller: Yes, but i'm doing it harder.
Vladimir: heh, dirty
Funkiller: Thank you.
Vladimir: sure
Funkiller: I'm not keeping you from anything important am i?
Vladimir: Oh please
Funkiller: how's mommy and the ugly brood? is she in yet?
Vladimir: she's here
Funkiller: Give her the finger for me. I dare you.
Vladimir: I just did
Funkiller: Schweet!
Funkiller: I'm giving her he finger too!
Funkiller: How's her ugly child?
Vladimir: still ugly
Vladimir: and cross-eyed
Funkiller: Great. An ambulance just went by. Another old one in the neighborhood bit it.
Funkiller: I swear this is the Florida of the midwest.
Funkiller: It's where old people go to die.
Vladimir: It's the armpit of the midwest
Funkiller: No. More like a damp, moldy sock.
Vladimir: It's the taint of the midwest
Funkiller: That's more like it!
Vladimir: up for a block party?
Funkiller: When?
Vladimir: duh, Saturday. Remember?
Funkiller: Oh, i forgot.
Vladimir: You suck
Funkiller: not as often as i should
Vladimir: true
Vladimir: but, then again, who does?
Funkiller: so little time to do the things you really want to.
Vladimir: I know. Work gets in the way
Funkiller: No. My pimp gets in the way.
Vladimir: I need to tinkle
Funkiller: I need to sleep.
Vladimir: ok. bye bye
Funkiller: bye