Vladimir: What are you doing up?
Princess Tofu: I was working overtime.
Vladimir: should I sing the theme to '9 to 5'?
Princess Tofu: What's the good word on the house?
Vladimir: It has a portal to another dimension in the basement that will suck out your soul.
Princess Tofu: What does that mean?
Vladimir: For you, nothing, being without a soul and all
Princess Tofu: Our you a happy homeowner?
Princess Tofu: Try that again....Are you a happy homeowner?
Vladimir: So far
Princess Tofu: Did everything go through with the paperwork?
Vladimir: I had the inspection and now we've added an addendum for them to fix things. We'll see if they say yes or go fuck yourself
Princess Tofu: What seems to be the biggest problem?
Vladimir: Upstairs electrical box - good. Downstairs electrical box - bad. Downstairs furnace - good. Upstairs furnace - bad.
Princess Tofu: Groovetastic!
Vladimir: garage roof will need replacing withing two years. The 'good' furnace will need replacing in two years. Both water heaters are as old as you.
Vladimir: The basement utility sink is missing a hot water handle and the cold side is leaking like crazy.
Vladimir: The upstairs apartment is a total pit. Which has nothing to do with the inspection but is worth noting. The bathtub is all rusted and needs to be reglazed or even replaced real bad.
Princess Tofu: So what basically would be the good part of the inspection?
Vladimir: The main roof is good. the basement is dry, the foundation is good.
Princess Tofu: There probably is a body buried in the backyard!
Vladimir: The garage door opener safety pressure feature works and is very sensitive
Vladimir: I hope so
Princess Tofu: Great so everytime you sneeze the garage door opens.
Vladimir: No, it just means I can't 'accidentally' crush any neighbor kids
Princess Tofu: Dammit!
Vladimir: I know
Princess Tofu: maybe you could fix that!
Vladimir: My addendum is asking them to fix the electrical box for the main unit and the furnace (or both furnaces if the heating/cooling specialst says so)
Princess Tofu: You'll deal with the bad tub and the rest?
Vladimir: Yes, that's not part of the inspection, just my own revulsion
Vladimir: there are no closets in the upstairs unit
Princess Tofu: Crap that sucks!
Vladimir: For him, yes
Vladimir: I'm already spending tons of money in my head to actually make the place livable. I'm totally going to get a second job.
Princess Tofu: Pimping or whoring?
Vladimir: How much is a furnace, anyway?
Princess Tofu: 2000 to 3000 dollars. It kind of depends on your setup. If you were ever thinking of central air that is generally when they like to do that sort of thing.
Vladimir: Well, unless someone else is paying for the central air, I think I'd just stick with a furnace.
Princess Tofu: Pussy!
Vladimir: Give me some central air money, bitch
Princess Tofu: I mean they kind of set it up to go in case you decide to do it in the future asshole!
Princess Tofu: And I find your tone very unpleasent!
Vladimir: Whatever, tramptastic
Princess Tofu: You are not a people person are you?
Vladimir: Any money I spend is going to be to fix the upstairs so I can charge more in rent
Vladimir: And I am a people person, you stupid fucking whore
Princess Tofu: you should add an addition on the roof for closet space.
Vladimir: I think I'm going to expand the living room into the 'bonus room' to make one big room
Vladimir: and maybe then expand the main bedroom out to make a closet
Princess Tofu: interesting.
Vladimir: Of course, this all happens when I get an extra $30000 dollars lying around
Princess Tofu: why you can pick it off the money tree in my backyard.
Vladimir: Sweet! Thanks!
Princess Tofu: I know. After you get your mortgage, apply for a home equity loan.
Vladimir: Sure, cuz I have an extra $500 a month lying around to repay it
Princess Tofu: Send some my way moneybags!
Vladimir: After I pay off my car, I'll have some extra each month
Princess Tofu: How long will it take to pay off your car? What do you owe?
Vladimir: I owe $6999 as of last statement
Princess Tofu: What's your payment like?
Vladimir: 250 per month
Princess Tofu: That's not too bad. How much did you pay for that car?
Vladimir: 11000
Princess Tofu: Really?
Vladimir: yes
Vladimir: 2500 cash back
Princess Tofu: Wow!
Princess Tofu: My car was like 16,750.
Vladimir: good lord
Princess Tofu: That was after cash back and everything.
Vladimir: I just want to pay it off so I have the extra cash every month
Princess Tofu: They screwed me up the ass, but, needed a car. That was when the sob totaled my other car.
Princess Tofu: God I can remember when I bought my first Mazda truck. It was 7200.00 with air.
Vladimir: I love air
Princess Tofu: I'd rather have air than seats.
Princess Tofu: I'd kneel if I had to.
Vladimir: well, now, not me
Princess Tofu: Okay Princess.
Vladimir: up yours, love lumps
Princess Tofu: My so sensitive. It must be close to lunch.
Vladimir: I just got here
Princess Tofu: shut up!
Vladimir: I'm on call and was paged last night. So I slept in.
Princess Tofu: Those absolute bastards!
Vladimir: I know. Blame mommy, it was her fucking mistake
Princess Tofu: What did she do now?
Princess Tofu: Or should I say not do.
Vladimir: brb
Vladimir: She, as usual, has no attention to detail
Princess Tofu: Tell me something new.
Vladimir: My urine candy bucket has Hershey's miniatures in it
Princess Tofu: Unwrap them. Or better yet, get some tootsie rolls and unwrap them.
Vladimir: Ok...
Princess Tofu: Too bad you couldn't make some lemon jello in there and add some unwrapped tootsie rolls.
Vladimir: thanks. are you 7?
Princess Tofu: mentally.
Vladimir: I knew it
Princess Tofu: eat me!
Vladimir: I have to go. Talk to you later.
Princess Tofu: Bye.