Vladimir: What can you do in 10 seconds?
Princess Tofu: make an omelet.
Vladimir: That's amazing! All I can do is start chopping onions in that amount of time.
Princess Tofu: but wait, there's more.
Vladimir: Ohhh. Ahhhh.
Princess Tofu: Hard cheese! No problem! Why cut the cheese when you can grate it.
Vladimir: Is that the real reason you bought the Magic Bullet?
Princess Tofu: Exactly!
Vladimir: I thought it was because it was the ultimate party machine
Princess Tofu: I forgot about that!
Vladimir: Mmmm, zesty salsa
Princess Tofu: Or guacamole!
Vladimir: I'm going to do an internet search for tiny onions
Princess Tofu: There probably is a special grower of baby vegetables.
Vladimir: Just for the Magic Bullet
Princess Tofu: No doubt.
Vladimir: All ready for an afternoon/evening of fun and hijinks?
Princess Tofu: I'm working on it. Im doing my nails right now.
Vladimir: well, move it
Princess Tofu: Listen bitch!
Vladimir: Why do you automatically have to go to the bitch place? Why, whore?
Princess Tofu: Whateva playa!
Vladimir: I'm cleaning and doing some pre-packing
Princess Tofu: Delightful! There's plenty more where that came from
Vladimir: I hope not too much more.
Princess Tofu: Just start tossing shit you don't want into the basement. No one will ever notice.
Vladimir: I want most of my stuff
Vladimir: I got rid of a lot last move. All my outdoor stuff, flags, etc
Princess Tofu: Oh how sad! Flags gone!
Vladimir: Yep
Princess Tofu: I'm crying little tears.
Vladimir: Why?
Princess Tofu: I miss them so. How will I know what season it is?
Vladimir: I always thought succubi couldn't cry. Unless Satan commanded it, of course.
Vladimir: I'll buy you a kitty calendar with the seasons on it.
Princess Tofu: Bless you sir.
Vladimir: Maybe we can do seasons cut outs with construction paper and make our own calendars...
Vladimir: right now it's summer, so we could make a sun
Vladimir: or maybe a beach scene
Princess Tofu: lovely
Vladimir: for fall we could make fall foliage or hand turkeys
Princess Tofu: I want to work in felt and glitter.
Vladimir: That's probably more of a Christmas medium
Princess Tofu: They are my muse. Or maybe noodles.
Vladimir: Wheee, noodles
Vladimir: spaghetti, mastacholi, ziti
Vladimir: ditalini
Vladimir: rosa marina
Princess Tofu: We can paint them in different colors and make flowers. I 've had great success with that.
Vladimir: orzo
Vladimir: I prefer pipe cleaners and tissue paper
Vladimir: or animal innards
Princess Tofu: now you are talking.
Princess Tofu: brb
Princess Tofu: hello.
Vladimir: yes?
Princess Tofu: I had to take care of something.
Vladimir: good for you
Princess Tofu: I am proud. My pullups felt cool so I had to go.
Vladimir: 3 weeks, two days
Princess Tofu: I'm starting to get excited.
Vladimir: I'm just thrilled to leave this shit hole house and neighborhood.
Princess Tofu: I bet.
Vladimir: I think when I move, I'm asking the troll for my security deposit back as well as $50 for every month I've lived here with that hole in the kitchen that he promised he'd fix within two weeks.
Princess Tofu: Yes you should.
Vladimir: That's $550
Princess Tofu: Schweet!
Vladimir: that's two brand-new water heaters
Princess Tofu: Amen.
Vladimir: Or a washer
Princess Tofu: Or a massage chair.
Vladimir: Or a cut-rate hooker for a night
Vladimir: or a that fake fireplace I've had my eye on
Princess Tofu: Jeez for that kind of money you could have a gaggle of cheap hookers.
Vladimir: I thought it was a brace of hookers?
Vladimir: Can't be a pride
Princess Tofu: maybe a stain of hookers?
Vladimir: Mmm, now I'm in the mood for one
Princess Tofu: whateva
Vladimir: I want to get an electric fireplace with a mantle. They make smaller size ones for living rooms.
Vladimir: Or maybe a gas one.
Princess Tofu: where were you looking?
Vladimir: all over. online
Vladimir: there are some really cool styles
Vladimir: and a smaller sized one isn't that expensive
Princess Tofu: What are we talking?
Vladimir: $400 - $500 ish
Princess Tofu: not bad.
Vladimir: Then I get a bearskin run, and I'm in business
Princess Tofu: Picture taking?
Vladimir: Greco-Roman wrestling
Princess Tofu: Oiled up?
Vladimir: With a fireplace, I could get a picture taken for personalized Christmas cards...
Princess Tofu: Nekked?
Vladimir: I'd wear clothes for any Christmas photo
Princess Tofu: Y
Vladimir: I'd wear a thong made from a baby Jesus from a Nativity Scene
Princess Tofu: Mazel tov!
Vladimir: Or just make sure at least one of the wise men's heads was junk-high
Princess Tofu: A small or large wiseman?
Vladimir: Caspar would work
Vladimir: Melchior has a small head
Princess Tofu: He has the really big hat doesn't he?
Vladimir: as long as it's not spiky
Princess Tofu: OOOOOOOHHH! Eyes off my junk!
Vladimir: I wouldn't even bother asking Balthazar, he's such a little bitch.
Princess Tofu: That's what I hear.
Vladimir: I hear the other two kept trying to ditch him, but that damn star led him right to them every time.
Princess Tofu: You could hold up a sheep, but, that gives an entirely different message.
Vladimir: depends on which way it's facing, I guess
Princess Tofu: Whatever covers the junk.
Vladimir: I'm totally emailing this chat session to the local Catholic dioscese
Princess Tofu: They'll think it's a good idea.
Vladimir: until they find out I'm not 12
Princess Tofu: Your not very tall. It may fool them. But the facial hair may be a problem.
Vladimir: I should shave my head again
Princess Tofu: go for it!
Vladimir: After you
Princess Tofu: oky dokey. I'll leave one tuft right in the middle.
Vladimir: So, you all ready to go over there?
Princess Tofu: where?
Vladimir: there. there wolf. there castle.
Princess Tofu: funny!
Vladimir: I meant are you ready to come over here?
Princess Tofu: I haven't taken my shower yet I have been chatting with you dumbass.
Vladimir: Well, I didn't make you log on. Go, go, go