Vlad: Hey Attorney
Ilsa: hey buttercup
Vlad: Let's drive around and solve some crimes
Ilsa: Okay
Vlad: or commit some...
Ilsa: you commit them and I'll defend you
Vlad: I'd rather drive around in a van solving them while engaging in witty banter.
Ilsa: well then, that's what we'll do Mr. Hart
Vlad: Darling, you were magnificent.
Ilsa: when we get together, it's moider
Vlad: Hee
Ilsa: brb
Ilsa: sorry bout that, needed to make a fast call
Vlad: I called a client
Ilsa: what did you call them?
Vlad: Actually, I talked about a client first and called her a giant flaming stupid bitch
Vlad: Then I called a client and told her that her request was a no-go
Ilsa: thank god, you had a chance to vent first. How's your hunt for cat tranquilizers going?
Vlad: I'm just going to crush sleeping pills in their food
Ilsa: excellent but what about for yourself?
Vlad: I'm sure I could score something from the guys upstairs
Ilsa: let me know, I'll come over
Vlad: Isn't today over yet?
Ilsa: hehe, well I'm done with court for the day but have a buttload of work to do here
Vlad: Real work? or house stuff?
Ilsa: real work
Ilsa: Of course I have a ton of housework to do but I have to make a super Target run first
Vlad: I can't relate to the work part at all.
Ilsa: sooooon
Vlad: I need some shaving cream (gel), a four pack of toilet paper, a three pack of sponges...
Ilsa: Ricky is sooo dreamy
Vlad: Ricky?
Ilsa: Martin
Vlad: ahhh. Not Ricky Ricardo?
Ilsa: Well that goes without saying
Vlad: You're just mad because he won't let you be in the show
Ilsa: but I've been practicing all week
Vlad: Face it, you red-headed loser, you suck. And hey Fred and Ethel? You stink, too. Vaudeville, my ass.
Ilsa: I can sing, you're just jealous of my talent.
Vlad: Shut up and drink your Vitameatavegemin
Ilsa: And I can convince people to buy that vile concoction
Vlad: I'm jealous of your slapstick abilities
Ilsa: well. who isn't?
Vlad: People in wheelchairs
Ilsa: let's not be too hasty, they like the yucks too
Vlad: Can you work to make it a crime to listen to your voicemail on speaker phone?
Ilsa: I wish
Vlad: It's so irritating. And fucking rude. Why do people think we want to hear their messages?
Ilsa: They will die soon
Vlad: Not soon enough
Vlad: 2 weeks, 3 days
Ilsa: I have to get back to work
Vlad: Boooooooooooooo
Ilsa: I know, I hate being a grown-up
Vlad: It reeks
Ilsa: Call me when you get home?
Vlad: Sure. Have a groovy day.
Ilsa: k, you too