Vladimir Yakamura: did you work last night?
Princess Tofu: you bet your ass!
Vladimir Yakamura: my, how positive
Princess Tofu: I have a stupid dentist's appt this morning at 10:10am.
Vladimir Yakamura: enjoy the old magazines in the waiting room
Princess Tofu: nope. It's all gay porn.
Vladimir Yakamura: that's some progressive dentist
Princess Tofu: You bet!
Vladimir Yakamura: i still feel like shit
Princess Tofu: With the money I pay that fucker, it should be all first editions.
Vladimir Yakamura: first editions of dirty magazines?
Princess Tofu: No, books.
Princess Tofu: I think I helped pay for his divorce.
Vladimir Yakamura: that's fair since you caused it
Princess Tofu: Bullshit! I never got a piece of ass when he was filling my teeth. He never even touched me indecently! Dammit!
Vladimir Yakamura: file a complaint with the ADA
Princess Tofu: Yeah I could just see that now. I'd like to file a complaint because my dentist isn't having sex with me!
Princess Tofu: Or feeling me up!
Princess Tofu: Or anything!
Princess Tofu: I pay him enough to fondle me. What's the problem.
Princess Tofu: I think a little inapporpriate touching is called for.
Vladimir Yakamura: well, Princess Tofu, I think the gay porn in the lobby would be a giveaway
Princess Tofu: Yes, but it's lesbian porn.
Vladimir Yakamura: maybe you need to bring a friend
Princess Tofu: how hot would that be!
Vladimir Yakamura: see? he might touch you then
Princess Tofu: A little menage a tois and turn and spit. Oooo-la-la!
Princess Tofu: Maybe i could bring his ex-wife. She sounds like a man.
Vladimir Yakamura: i won't ask how you know that
Princess Tofu: She came in once when he used to have an office by himself on lincoln avenue. He pulled my tooth and i was bleeding like a pig. I was laying on the couch and didn't look up, but, I heard her say hello and thought it was a guy.
Vladimir Yakamura: mabye it was brenda vaccaro
Princess Tofu: it sure sounded like it.
Vladimir Yakamura: i will be running home and slugging back the Nyquil
Princess Tofu: You are leaving work already you pussy!
Vladimir Yakamura: no, probably around lunch time
Princess Tofu: you are such a girl about pain. Suck it up, buttercup!
Vladimir Yakamura: it's not about pain, it's about the dizziness
Princess Tofu: You are sitting down, aren't you?
Vladimir Yakamura: as far as I can tell, yes
Vladimir Yakamura: driving here was really exciting
Princess Tofu: I have to leave for the dentist now. i'll be watching the news to see if you had an accident on the way home. Jehovah be with you my brother.
Vladimir Yakamura: thanks. good luck with the fondling dreams
Princess Tofu: Dreams! Hell, I'm going to make it a reality!
Vladimir Yakamura: push up bra and low rise jeans?
Princess Tofu: No bra and no pants!
Vladimir Yakamura: and I'll look for YOU on the news after being 'escorted' out of a local dentist's office
Princess Tofu: thanks! bye

Vlad Yakamura: Oh my stars and garters, It's Princess Tofu!
Princess Tofu: Oh gosh and Begorah It's Vladimir Yakamura!
Vlad Yakamura: You bet your ass!
Vlad Yakamura: Guess what I might have?
Princess Tofu: The clap
Princess Tofu: Gout
Princess Tofu: An allergy to satin
Vlad Yakamura: You got it on the second try, bitch
Princess Tofu: that was kind of what i figured. It's all your rich food. It's an illness of the welloff.
Vlad Yakamura: Actually, they are not sure what my problem is. They are trying to rule out gout and some other stuff. The problem is that it's not acting like gout, exactly
Princess Tofu: usually gout goes for the toes
Princess Tofu: your parents should have had 2 natural children so you could have spare parts.
Vlad Yakamura: this time, the pain is on the outside of the foot
Vlad Yakamura: and my foot swelled up like a Thanksgiving day parade float
Princess Tofu: Man you are a disaster. I say we take you out back and shoot you.
Vlad Yakamura: couldn't hurt
Vlad Yakamura: I have a tenant, by the way
Princess Tofu: yippeeeee!
Vlad Yakamura: I know
Vlad Yakamura: Another contractor. I got a ton of responses this time and even had to delete the online ads because people were still calling
Princess Tofu: Oh by the way, you were right about the penzey's seasoned salt. Used it in chicken salad and it was delish!
Vlad Yakamura: Ok, Rachael Ray, calm down
Princess Tofu: Fuck you mr. gouty foot!
Vlad Yakamura: it's not gout, yet. at least as far as we know
Princess Tofu: It's probably scurvy
Princess Tofu: Or something horribly french.
Vlad Yakamura: perhaps it's consumption
Princess Tofu: No. Then you would be coughing like the dickens
Vlad Yakamura: the vapors?
Princess Tofu: Why yes, you delicate creature.
Princess Tofu: maybe it's the change of life.
Vlad Yakamura: awesome
Princess Tofu: an old war injury. It's from when you fought in the Crimea.
Princess Tofu: Or maybe the spoils of a misspent youth.
Vlad Yakamura: war of 1812
Princess Tofu: The trojan war
Vlad Yakamura: you're just mad because your face didn't launch 1000 ships. Not even a dinghy
Princess Tofu: Yes but my ass scared a nation.
Vlad Yakamura: which one?
Princess Tofu: Every one that has seen it!
Vlad Yakamura: so, what's new, my little truffle?
Princess Tofu: Not a whole hell of a lot. I can't wait for it to be summer.
Vlad Yakamura: ugh, why?
Princess Tofu: I want to wear shorts and show off my horrible legs.
Vlad Yakamura: it's good to have goals
Princess Tofu: I also bought a whole batch of belly shirts.
Vlad Yakamura: good on you
Princess Tofu: and I'm getting an ass plaque of something tribal the whole world can marvel at.
Vlad Yakamura: Mmmmmm
Princess Tofu: What a picture that brings to mind.
Vlad Yakamura: an optical illusion
Princess Tofu: If it's in black it's slimming?
Vlad Yakamura: heh
Princess Tofu: maybe i should get a giant piece of metal in my eyebrow to take everyones eyes off my ass?
Vlad Yakamura: that would have to be one big ass piece of metal
Princess Tofu: What are you saying? That I have a lot of space in my rumpus room?
Vlad Yakamura: no, that you have big eyebrows
Princess Tofu: Now you are picking on my eyebrows. Welllllllll excuuuuuse meeeeeee! Mr perfect.
Vlad Yakamura: i bought a new personal grooming thingy that has an eyebrow attachment
Princess Tofu: I happen to come frome a big eyebrow family.
Vlad Yakamura: is that like big sky country?
Princess Tofu: And my niece plucks and shapes them for me fucker!
Vlad Yakamura: heh
Princess Tofu: And Big sky country would be Montana. Now you are saying people in montana have big eyebrows! Facial hair elitiest.
Vlad Yakamura: actually, I usually say that montanians are inbred, militia loving assholes
Princess Tofu: Well You got me there !
Vlad Yakamura: I've got you right where I want you
Princess Tofu: Where is that?
Vlad Yakamura: against the wall. between a rock and hard place. up the creek sans paddle
Princess Tofu: Stop it! Your getting me hot!
Vlad Yakamura: bad aphorisms make you hot?
Vlad Yakamura: or are those cliches?
Princess Tofu: I don't care!
Vlad Yakamura: can you run over to the upstairs flat and wash out the refrigerator?
Vlad Yakamura: thanks!
Princess Tofu: fuck you! Your welcome.
Vlad Yakamura: wow. I was going to buy you something nice, but now you can cram it
Princess Tofu: Hey, I have to get some sleep.
Vlad Yakamura: so? who's keeping you
Princess Tofu: fine, bye
Vlad Yakamura: bye, PT