Yakamura: speaking of my last good nerve...
Fujimoto: who's on it? or should I say. who's jumping all over it?
Yakamura: More like tap dancing on it.
Yakamura: I really want a drink and a tranquilizer
Fujimoto: that's my Friday night
Yakamura: I wish it wasn't so cold out, so I could go somewhere for lunch
Fujimoto: I have to go out for my stupid friend's birthday tonight, the coldest night of the year
Yakamura: Damn her
Fujimoto: right?
Yakamura: Let's wish that she gets the clap. Again.
Fujimoto: I think she'll take that because that means that she will have sex
Yakamura: Unless she gets it from a public toilet seat or a doorknob
Fujimoto: ewww
Yakamura: Isn't that where social diseases get caught?
Yakamura: or how, I should say
Fujimoto: sure and the moon is made of cheese
Yakamura: It is. I've been there.
Fujimoto: and I'm a virgin
Yakamura: Whew. I just laughed so hard I almost passed out.
Fujimoto: I'm glad that you find the fact that I am completely unsullied sooooo heeelarious
Yakamura: Uh, yeah. THAT's why I was laughing
Fujimoto: soooo, what are you going to do for lunch? They used to have this restaurant taxi service out there
Yakamura: I have a ham sandwich here. I'll get some chips and water from the vending machines
Yakamura: Ham & cheese with dijon (style) mustard
Yakamura: It's not about food, it's about getting out and about, you know?
Fujimoto: yeah, I know. I was out, going back out at 1:30 and then again tonight. My fingers were freezing from the walk to my car ( I had gloves on)
Yakamura: Pansy
Fujimoto: you're the pansy, you're not going out on your lunch break because it's cold
Yakamura: I also don't know where to go and don't want to spend the money
Yakamura: If I go out, there's a chance I'll be pulled into Best Buy and get a laptop computer
Fujimoto: go for it, chicken
Yakamura: Give me some laptop dinero, b-word
Fujimoto: no, b-word, give me some drink benjamins
Yakamura: I'm going to get you a portrait of Benjamin Franklin
Fujimoto: I'll give you one of Washington
Yakamura: Awesome. It will make history come alive!
Fujimoto: learning is fun!
Yakamura: I think so
Fujimoto: when's the last time you had your car washed?
Yakamura: last fall
Yakamura: I need it bad, baby
Yakamura: maybe this weekend
Fujimoto: mine looks salt-encrusted
Yakamura: Hmmm, just like a lake trout
Fujimoto: yes but not as delicious
Yakamura: Our company just put out a notice telling us our W2 forms are wrong
Yakamura: I had to cancel my tax appt
Fujimoto: niiiiiice
Yakamura: I know
Yakamura: I'm itching to know what I'm getting back
Fujimoto: yeah, I never have that problem
Fujimoto: well, I'm going to make lunch. Talk to you later

Ilsa Fujimoto: hey, I was really busy before but I can chat now
Vladimir Yakamura: Oh, it's all about you now?
Ilsa Fujimoto: always
Vladimir Yakamura: What. Ever.
Vladimir Yakamura: We had a meeting
Ilsa Fujimoto: a fun one?
Vladimir Yakamura: Um, sure
Vladimir Yakamura: all meetings are fun
Vladimir Yakamura: and useful
Ilsa Fujimoto: hey, what happened w/freakshow last night?
Vladimir Yakamura: He didn't come home until after I was in bed
Vladimir Yakamura: My warm, cozy, queen-sized bed
Vladimir Yakamura: of lurve
Ilsa Fujimoto: what a sneaky bastard
Vladimir Yakamura: He's an adult. He can come and go as he pleases. I'm his landlord, not his dorm floor monitor
Ilsa Fujimoto: that's not what I meant
Vladimir Yakamura: One of my coworkers heard me talking about the vacancy and started asking me about it on behalf of his daughter
Ilsa Fujimoto: that's funny
Vladimir Yakamura: It was kind of awkward, actually. She has a dog and I told him I wasn't too keen on pets
Vladimir Yakamura: especially considering what mine did to my carpet this week
Ilsa Fujimoto: yeah, well tell him she can check it out, once she sees there are no closets and that you're charging $800.....
Vladimir Yakamura: I said no because of the dog. Truthfully, it's because they're Mexican and I just don't need that kind of shit going on, you know?
Ilsa Fujimoto: hehe
Vladimir Yakamura: What? Just because I'm Mexican, I can't pick on them?
Ilsa Fujimoto: No, you get carte blance, every minority gets to pick on their ethnicity
Vladimir Yakamura: Well, I don't like to be a hater.
Ilsa Fujimoto: Man, I hope your tenant comes home at a decent time so that we can find out what is going on in that pea brain of his
Vladimir Yakamura: I'm sure it's something dumb. I wish he wouldn't leave until April or so, so it would be warm enough to paint up there.
Vladimir Yakamura: some nice, soothing colors that detract from the fact that there are no closets.
Ilsa Fujimoto: yeah, I know. Hmmmm, what color would we call it?
Vladimir Yakamura: Xanax
Ilsa Fujimoto: Or prozac?
Vladimir Yakamura: Prozac green
Ilsa Fujimoto: nice
Vladimir Yakamura: I'd like to paint my bedroom green
Ilsa Fujimoto: what shade?
Vladimir Yakamura: well, something soothing. Not too icy, though
Vladimir Yakamura: or too bright
Vladimir Yakamura: or too dark
Ilsa Fujimoto: Is that a front-burner project?
Vladimir Yakamura: My house? No
Vladimir Yakamura: Maybe this spring. I wouldn't want to paint unless I could open the windows
Ilsa Fujimoto: Are you planning on doing any projects on the house before spring?
Vladimir Yakamura: Just the carpeting. Maybe.
Vladimir Yakamura: West Allis police are warning residents about a sex offender who moved in to the community.
Vladimir Yakamura: Police will hold a public meeting Thursday night to alert residents about 41-year-old John Chic.
He was just released from prison after serving 15 years for first-degree sexual assault.
Ilsa Fujimoto: Bhushan?
Vladimir Yakamura: No, my cover has been blown
Ilsa Fujimoto: they always catch up with you
Vladimir Yakamura: John Chic is my alias
Ilsa Fujimoto: yeah, I caught that
Vladimir Yakamura: Wow, you're smart
Ilsa Fujimoto: smarter than the average bear at least
Vladimir Yakamura: bear or beaver?
Ilsa Fujimoto: oh dear
Vladimir Yakamura: One of the answers to a game in my Games Magazine was Beaver Fever
Vladimir Yakamura: and all I could think of was "Beaver Fever - Catch It!"
Ilsa Fujimoto: hehe
Vladimir Yakamura: they found a body in some park near my work
Ilsa Fujimoto: yeah, I think I saw that on the news last night
Vladimir Yakamura: do they have any suspects?
Ilsa Fujimoto: just you & me
Vladimir Yakamura: damn it!
Vladimir Yakamura: I was so careful
Ilsa Fujimoto: nice going, Vlad
Vladimir Yakamura: yeah well
Vladimir Yakamura: Keith Urban is coming to Milwaukee
Ilsa Fujimoto: that's my Valentine's day present to you
Vladimir Yakamura: I'm getting you a Pet Rock
Vladimir Yakamura: Ooh, maybe a fondue pot. something to go with your '70s theme
Ilsa Fujimoto: fun, I'm getting you Mr. Microphone
Vladimir Yakamura: Awesome!
Vladimir Yakamura: Hey there girls, we'll be back to pick you up later!
Ilsa Fujimoto: you're soooo cool
Vladimir Yakamura: I'd totally use it
Ilsa Fujimoto: Isaiah Washington is now in counseling. It's the latest celeb trend
Vladimir Yakamura: I don't even know who that is
Ilsa Fujimoto: he's on Grey's Anatomy, he called a co-star a faggot
Vladimir Yakamura: They have rehab for that?
Vladimir Yakamura: Oops, counseling. Nevermind
Vladimir Yakamura: Still - whatever
Vladimir Yakamura: Is the co-star gay?
Ilsa Fujimoto: apparently and now I have a yahoo who has been calling me for 5 days straight 7x a day
Vladimir Yakamura: You're obviously not getting the hint then, are you? Pick up the damn phone.
Ilsa Fujimoto: I'm not taking collect calls from morons when we haven't even had an initial appearance
Vladimir Yakamura: Maybe he just wants to sex chat you up
Ilsa Fujimoto: well, those are calls I get paid for, you don't accept collect calls for them
Vladimir Yakamura: I thought that was the 'bone' in Pro bono
Ilsa Fujimoto: classy
Vladimir Yakamura: Thanks. "High Falutin'" is my middle name
Ilsa Fujimoto: I thought so
Vladimir Yakamura: I got my Spongebob address labels in the mail
Ilsa Fujimoto: party
Vladimir Yakamura: Oh, we did
Ilsa Fujimoto: like it was 1999?
Vladimir Yakamura: 1599. I circumnavigated the globe. And caught syphillis
Ilsa Fujimoto: well that is par for the course of the life of an explorer
Vladimir Yakamura: I'll have to beg the Queen of Spain for some more Pesetas
Ilsa Fujimoto: I'm starting to get hungry. What's for dinner
Vladimir Yakamura: I'm thinking some leftover spaghetti sauce tossed with thin spaghetti
Vladimir Yakamura: and maybe some carrots as an appetizeer
Ilsa Fujimoto: I think I'll be having my usual chicken and rice
Vladimir Yakamura: I have to hit Pick N Save after work for some soda, sparkling water, split peas, canned tomatoes and onions
Ilsa Fujimoto: I think I'll skip the gym tonight
Vladimir Yakamura: Skip to your Lou
Ilsa Fujimoto: I'm going to have to sign off, if I don't go to the gym, I'll call you later
Vladimir Yakamura: Don't threaten me
Ilsa Fujimoto: too late
Vladimir Yakamura: bye

Vladimir Skywalker: How rude.
LoserBot 3000: what's rude
Vladimir Skywalker: I was chatting with you earlier this week and you just disconnected. *sob*
LoserBot 3000: did i?
Vladimir Skywalker: Yes.
Vladimir Skywalker: I'm going to treat life like a SciFi show from now on.
LoserBot 3000: Why?
Vladimir Skywalker: Why not? I'm going to refer to you as a 'LoserBot 3000'
LoserBot 3000: Fuck you!
Vladimir Skywalker: Maybe a HostileBot
LoserBot 3000: How's work bitch?
Vladimir Skywalker: just fine. How's your inner bitch circuitry?
LoserBot 3000: Right as rain.
Vladimir Skywalker: Awesome
Vladimir Skywalker: Anything new?
LoserBot 3000: What's up with you?
Vladimir Skywalker: Jack
LoserBot 3000: Me too.
Vladimir Skywalker: Waiting for a vendor to come over to load a software upgrade
LoserBot 3000: God your work is just breathtaking. How do you stand the excitement?
Vladimir Skywalker: Tranquilizers and yoga
LoserBot 3000: I prefer xanax and vodka.
Vladimir Skywalker: You would
LoserBot 3000: What are we doing tomorrow?
Vladimir Skywalker: The usual. Terrorizing small villages along the coast. Raping and pillaging as we go. Then sailing off in our giant, dragon-shaped ships.
LoserBot 3000: Huzzah!
Vladimir Skywalker: To the Great Father!
LoserBot 3000: May Odin bless our pillaging.
Vladimir Skywalker: Aye. or whatever the Norse agreement is
LoserBot 3000: God. I could just picture me in a metal breastplate and a hat with big horns.
Vladimir Skywalker: Great, now I'm blind
LoserBot 3000: Good.Serves you right!
Vladimir Skywalker: Heh. Just so you know, tomorrow I will be wearing my Middle Ages costume, complete with scarlet hose and doublet.
LoserBot 3000: Great! Now I'm blind.
Vladimir Skywalker: Why? Catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, you basilisk?
LoserBot 3000: No you Harpie!
Vladimir Skywalker: I hardly think I have the lower body of an eagle and the upper body of a hag
LoserBot 3000: Says You!
Vladimir Skywalker: I have a note from my doctor
LoserBot 3000: For what?
Vladimir Skywalker: It covers most things, including getting me out of gym class
LoserBot 3000: Damn. You have gym class at work? That makes your job suck more.
Vladimir Skywalker: Obviously, I don't have gym class at work. That was clearly an absurdism meant to provoke a humourous response
LoserBot 3000: Lovely.
Vladimir Skywalker: Thanks, I try. I've uploaded Microsoft Joke© into my programming
LoserBot 3000: Swell. Did you know that jerry lewis had a 145 iq?
Vladimir Skywalker: That moron?
LoserBot 3000: No shit!
Vladimir Skywalker: Hmmm, by the way, it's that time of year again
LoserBot 3000: for what?
Vladimir Skywalker: time to pay the Mensa piper
LoserBot 3000: It seems so much cheaper to be stupid.
Vladimir Skywalker: You'd know, I guess. And thanks for killing Lily Munster. Why'd you do it?
LoserBot 3000: She was the trifecta of famous people to die. I had her name in the dead pool.
Vladimir Skywalker: I kind of assumed she was dead already
LoserBot 3000: My next pick is the Lohan slut. Her liver is dying.
Vladimir Skywalker: I'm sure her and Paris are pickled by now. We should get our hands on a copy of Satan's Cheerleaders on DVD
LoserBot 3000: Why exactly?
Vladimir Skywalker: Yvonne de Carlo is in it
LoserBot 3000: Oooooooooooo! She was also in the Ten Commandments.
Vladimir Skywalker: Yeah, but I wouldn't want to sit through hours of Charlton "Fast Draw" Heston gasbagging his way through a film for a glimpse of her
LoserBot 3000: She was Mrs moses. Come on!
Vladimir Skywalker: Was she? Never saw it.
Vladimir Skywalker: I have an allergic reaction to bible films
LoserBot 3000: It is only the finest overacted bit of biblical tripe that ever existed. What's not to like?
Vladimir Skywalker: She was pretty when she was in the big pictures
LoserBot 3000: She was pretty before electricity.
Vladimir Skywalker: That's a terrible joke
LoserBot 3000: Kiss my ass!
Vladimir Skywalker: I don't have that kind of time
LoserBot 3000: What the hell are you saying? Too much ground to cover?
Vladimir Skywalker: No, just that my time is too valuable to take time out of my busy schedule to do something as mundane as butt smooching
LoserBot 3000: I thought you were a professional ass polisher?
Vladimir Skywalker: Weird, I thought that was you
LoserBot 3000: I would be a pro tush tickler if it would get me some place at work, but, there's no place to go but down.
Vladimir Skywalker: Hehe, was that a bad pun?
LoserBot 3000: ?
Vladimir Skywalker: "there's no place to go but down"?
LoserBot 3000: Oh "go down" He hee!
Vladimir Skywalker: Funny stuff!
LoserBot 3000: It's the best I can do when I should be sleeping.
Vladimir Skywalker: yeah, yeah, poor you and your awful sleep schedule
Vladimir Skywalker: Run to pick n save and pick me up some groceries
LoserBot 3000: I'm so glad I can count on you for sympathy.
Vladimir Skywalker: No problem. sympathy comes easy for me
LoserBot 3000: Get your own damn groceries!
Vladimir Skywalker: Fine, up yours!
LoserBot 3000: Whatever bitch!
Vladimir Skywalker: Ohh, that hurts. NOT
LoserBot 3000: Why don't you take one of your famous long lunches and get them?
Vladimir Skywalker: What? I'm a dedicated employee and your insinuations really sting
LoserBot 3000: I'm surprised you're not drunk yet!
Vladimir Skywalker: "yet"? I think you mean still
LoserBot 3000: Okay, still!
Vladimir Skywalker: what's up for your day, LoserBot 3000?
LoserBot 3000: I want to check my email, get some sleep, and then finish off my evening by scrubbin the barnacles off of Grandma.
Vladimir Skywalker: Sounds like a party to me
Vladimir Skywalker: Call me tomorrow before you head to the homestead
LoserBot 3000: Okay Sweetie!
Vladimir Skywalker: Thanks, honeylamb
LoserBot 3000: Hugs and Kisses! XXXXXXOOOOO
Vladimir Skywalker: You frighten me
LoserBot 3000: Thank you.
Vladimir Skywalker: No problem.
LoserBot 3000: bye
Vladimir Skywalker: back atcha