Vladimir Yakamura: Hey Mush Mouth
Princess Tofu: hello butthead
Vladimir Yakamura: better that than Beavis. dumbass
Princess Tofu: whatever
Vladimir Yakamura: What's new?
Princess Tofu: i'm so high right now
Vladimir Yakamura: dope is for dopes, Princess Tofu
Princess Tofu: this is pain meds
Vladimir Yakamura: what a baby. fight through the pain
Vladimir Yakamura: pretend it's childbirth
Princess Tofu: Yes, i will use you as my example of how to fight the pain,"Toenator"
Vladimir Yakamura: Hey bitch, all I could take was Tylenol
Vladimir Yakamura: those alleged painkillers they gave me did nothing
Vladimir Yakamura: not even a buzz
Princess Tofu: This is doing nothing for the pain, but i could care less
Vladimir Yakamura: our meeting went until 11pm last night
Princess Tofu: what meeting
Vladimir Yakamura: Monthly Princess Tofu Sucks meeting. Your mom gave another hilarious speech.
Princess Tofu: I slept overnight at her house. She was there
Vladimir Yakamura: well, what meeting do you think? the festival meeting
Princess Tofu: What the hell did you talk about til 11 pm
Vladimir Yakamura: the Zionist government
Princess Tofu: Damn jews
Vladimir Yakamura: Calm down there, Mel
Princess Tofu: I'm sorry, everytime i get drunk, I blame them for all the wars in the world.
Vladimir Yakamura: I hope you call everyone 'sugar tits'
Princess Tofu: But of course
Vladimir Yakamura: we've got two weeks before the festival, we've got things to do
Vladimir Yakamura: last minute prep
Vladimir Yakamura: cookbooks
Vladimir Yakamura: signage
Princess Tofu: lovely. Who is taking care of all this?
Vladimir Yakamura: all of us
Princess Tofu: what a delight
Vladimir Yakamura: the excitement is building...can't you feel it?
Princess Tofu: Like a bad case of gas
Vladimir Yakamura: i can't wait to see the tshirts
Princess Tofu: I'm all a quiver
Vladimir Yakamura: you better be. I want to see good attitudes this year from all the volunteers. Or I'm breaking some knees
Princess Tofu: Oh, i'll be attached to you like a barnacle
Vladimir Yakamura: You'll be trained to handle the volunteer table and get those people checked in and in the appropriate areas.
Princess Tofu: fabulous, I can't wait to deal with all the crazy white folks
Vladimir Yakamura: there will be a lot of them
Vladimir Yakamura: and elderly white folks, too
Princess Tofu: oh great, Old f*ucken white people
Vladimir Yakamura: I'm hoping the smelly 'holy man' with his homemade bedazzled staff shows up again and tries to get in free
Princess Tofu: His ass is mine. I'll take care of the instant "shaman"..Bless this Bitch!
Vladimir Yakamura: oh, I told him to piss off last year
Vladimir Yakamura: and to introduce himself to Mr Mouthwash
Princess Tofu: I'm going to introduce him to the point of my shoe.
Vladimir Yakamura: he might hit you with his mighty staff of arts & crafts
Princess Tofu: not if i hit him with mine first
Vladimir Yakamura: his has jewels, feathers, shells, bits of rickrack, beads and possibly shards of glass
Princess Tofu: mine has a stick with a chain and a ball with spikes
Vladimir Yakamura: seriously, his breath will kill you at 100 paces
Princess Tofu: i'll wear a mask
Princess Tofu: maybe i could light his breath
Vladimir Yakamura: what should I have for lunch?
Princess Tofu: monkey
Vladimir Yakamura: i had that for dinner
Princess Tofu: cheetah
Vladimir Yakamura: tastes like chicken
Vladimir Yakamura: maybe I'll have some spicy noodles
Princess Tofu: oooooooooooo
Vladimir Yakamura: I know
Vladimir Yakamura: loves me some spicy noodles
Princess Tofu: me too
Vladimir Yakamura: i want to go to Penzeys to smell things, but I'm not in need of anything at the moment
Princess Tofu: did you get the catalog with the free item coupon
Vladimir Yakamura: i got the catalogue but haven't read it yet. it's on the floor somewhere
Princess Tofu: there are 2 new 4/s salts
Vladimir Yakamura: ooh, new salt technology. it's like living in the space age!
Princess Tofu: yes it is mr. jetson
Vladimir Yakamura: thanks, astro
Princess Tofu: one is smokey and one is spicy
Vladimir Yakamura: just like me
Princess Tofu: nice
Vladimir Yakamura: thanks
Princess Tofu: u r welcome
Vladimir Yakamura: maybe I should go to Chin's
Vladimir Yakamura: for Firecracker Noodles!
Princess Tofu: i have never been there
Vladimir Yakamura: it's alright. the noodles are so tasty
Princess Tofu: how can it be alright if the noodles are so tasty
Vladimir Yakamura: the rest of the food is ok, but the noodles are spectacular!
Princess Tofu: where is this place?
Vladimir Yakamura: it's a chain, so many places
Vladimir Yakamura: i go to the one on Bluemound
Princess Tofu: where on bluemound?
Vladimir Yakamura: i don't know. up from my work along that stretch of strip malls
Princess Tofu: so west of you then.
Vladimir Yakamura: sure
Vladimir Yakamura: i'm not Rand McNally
Princess Tofu: or Marco Polo obviously
Vladimir Yakamura: are you accusing me of not finding a trade route to China?
Princess Tofu: yes
Vladimir Yakamura: that's the worst thing you've ever said to me
Princess Tofu: oh i can think of a list of other things that were bad, "can't accesorize.
Vladimir Yakamura: that's true
Princess Tofu: i'm falling asleep as i type
Vladimir Yakamura: so go to bed
Vladimir Yakamura: you coming over or are you wussing out?
Princess Tofu: wussing out bitch
Vladimir Yakamura: wow, how rude
Vladimir Yakamura: i hope you get dry socket
Princess Tofu: i've already had that once. You whore.
Vladimir Yakamura: i hope you get root rot
Princess Tofu: It makes your pussy gout look like a picnic
Vladimir Yakamura: it took me a second to parse out that sentence
Princess Tofu: ?
Vladimir Yakamura: well, I read "It makes your pussy"
Vladimir Yakamura: and then I saw "look like"
Princess Tofu: whatever hooked on phonics
Vladimir Yakamura: fine, I'll talk to you over the weekend or next week
Vladimir Yakamura: rot in hell!
Princess Tofu: back at you mr happy

Vladimir Yakamura: Let's talk about my trimmed bush
Ilsa Fujimoto: how exciting, details
Vladimir Yakamura: Not much to tell, really. They came and did it. I'm just glad it's done.
Ilsa Fujimoto: what a relief
Vladimir Yakamura: I look less crazy to the neighbors
Ilsa Fujimoto: well...
Vladimir Yakamura: I said less not 'not'
Ilsa Fujimoto: I know
Ilsa Fujimoto: because that would be crazy
Vladimir Yakamura: Let's talk about our shamefull secrets
Ilsa Fujimoto: oooh, goody
Vladimir Yakamura: I think the new Lindsay Lohan movie looks good
Ilsa Fujimoto: don't worry, I won't tell anyone you said that
Vladimir Yakamura: I don't care - I'll scream it from a mountaintop
Ilsa Fujimoto: that's a way to look less crazy to your neighbors
Vladimir Yakamura: there are no mountains in my neighborhood
Ilsa Fujimoto: really???? I did not know that
Vladimir Yakamura: That's one to grow on
Ilsa Fujimoto: how is Ruth today?
Vladimir Yakamura: Well, here. But of course the first thing you do after a week and a half of vacation and a sick day is make a personal phone call.
Ilsa Fujimoto: of course
Ilsa Fujimoto: the lawn guys were just here and asked if they should skip this week and I said yes
Vladimir Yakamura: Did you come to the door in a flimsy neglige?
Ilsa Fujimoto: no time, I was coming back from court, next time
Vladimir Yakamura: Oooh, Mrs Robinson
Ilsa Fujimoto: I didn't realize that guy w/Charlie was his son
Vladimir Yakamura: I've never seen them.
Ilsa Fujimoto: I come back and forth most days so I see them, they're usually here around 10:00 a.m.
Vladimir Yakamura: I'm going tablecloth shopping at lunch
Ilsa Fujimoto: wow, planning on having everyone over for a fancy meal?
Vladimir Yakamura: everyone? in the world? No.
Ilsa Fujimoto: why not?
Vladimir Yakamura: i need a festive covering for the volunteer table at the festival
Ilsa Fujimoto: where are you going for it?
Vladimir Yakamura: Linenens & Things
Ilsa Fujimoto: that place makes me want to spend a lot of money
Vladimir Yakamura: well, my limit for this bullshit is %15
Vladimir Yakamura: $15
Ilsa Fujimoto: won't you get tempted to buy something for yourself?
Vladimir Yakamura: No
Vladimir Yakamura: I bought a new DVD player
Vladimir Yakamura: I'm finished for the week
Ilsa Fujimoto: the dvd player I just bought only cost $50 but it doesn't have a burner like yours does
Vladimir Yakamura: I will be burning that shitty movie this weekend for posterity
Ilsa Fujimoto: awesome. Do I smell movie night?
Vladimir Yakamura: i don't know what you smell
Ilsa Fujimoto: well, off to the saltmines to get salt for the queen
Vladimir Yakamura: good luck
Ilsa Fujimoto: thanks I'll bring you back a puppet

Vladimir Yakamura: You're up terrorizing the villagers early
Princess Tofu: i'm just checking some email quickly and then going to sleep. I'm having oral surgery this afternoon.
Vladimir Yakamura: You said oral!
Princess Tofu: ha ha!
Princess Tofu: I mean it in the cleanest, most christian possible way.
Vladimir Yakamura: how dull
Princess Tofu: Okay, i meant it in the bad way! Weeeeeeeeeeee!
Vladimir Yakamura: I figured you did
Vladimir Yakamura: have fun getting your oral on
Princess Tofu: I'll be getting pain killing drugs, my sweet.
Vladimir Yakamura: awesome
Princess Tofu: That and a little vodka spells P_A_R_T_Y!
Vladimir Yakamura: let's talk about my trimmed bush for a minute
Princess Tofu: is it?
Vladimir Yakamura: yes and shaped so nice
Princess Tofu: like a hand giving a finger to the hillbillies across the street?!
Vladimir Yakamura: no, no. everything is just nice and neat
Vladimir Yakamura: well, neater
Princess Tofu: Like my bush
Princess Tofu: I can see it from the window and it is lovely.
Vladimir Yakamura: Wonderful!
Vladimir Yakamura: We have lots to do this weekend, my little volunteer helper. Envelopes and the name badgers
Vladimir Yakamura: heehee, badgers
Vladimir Yakamura: badges
Vladimir Yakamura: and of course being evil
Princess Tofu: Well, It kind of depends on how i Feel. I'm not sure if there will be stitches involved.
Vladimir Yakamura: oh, walk it off you big baby
Princess Tofu: This is coming from the "Toenator" who was hobbled by rich living.
Vladimir Yakamura: it was probably caused by your cooties
Princess Tofu: My cooties wouldn't have anything to do with you.
Vladimir Yakamura: too dumb, eh?
Vladimir Yakamura: understandable
Princess Tofu: No. It would be slumming.
Vladimir Yakamura: ooh, that hurts. NOT
Princess Tofu: kiss my *ss!
Vladimir Yakamura: asterick s s?
Princess Tofu: ASS
Vladimir Yakamura: nice language, princess
Princess Tofu: i tried to be nice with the asterick, but you wanted to play hardball.
Princess Tofu: I have to get some sleep,
Vladimir Yakamura: fine
Vladimir Yakamura: who's stopping you?
Princess Tofu: nobody, bitch. I'll talk to you tomorrow and tell you how i feel. Not that you care.
Vladimir Yakamura: Not really, no
Princess Tofu: great, bye
Vladimir Yakamura: good luck!
Princess Tofu: mazel tov!
Vladimir Yakamura: I'm eating Zingers for breakfast
Princess Tofu: which kind?
Vladimir Yakamura: devil's food
Princess Tofu: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Vladimir Yakamura: yes, quite a tasty start to the day
Princess Tofu: Polish that off with a little gin.......Breakfast of champions.
Vladimir Yakamura: and of course, nothing says 'good morning' like trans fats and hydrogenated oil!
Vladimir Yakamura: Water is my liquid du jour
Vladimir Yakamura: as it is most days
Princess Tofu: Really, nothing says good morning like 3 pounds of bacon extra crispy.
Vladimir Yakamura: not much into the bacon
Princess Tofu: oh well, more for me!
Vladimir Yakamura: indeed
Princess Tofu: indeed
Vladimir Yakamura: why are we talking like Alastair Cooke?
Princess Tofu: i thought you wanted to talk like alastair cooke. I believe there is a little of him in the zingers.
Vladimir Yakamura: i heard he used to dunk them in his tea
Princess Tofu: No. I mean after the body part scandal, there really could be some of him in there.
Vladimir Yakamura: Mmmmmmm
Princess Tofu: They are "artistically" rich and delicious.
Vladimir Yakamura: and very classy
Princess Tofu: You bet your ass they are.

Vladimir Yakamura: Speak of le papilon
Princess Tofu: what?
Vladimir Yakamura: I was calling you a butterfly. A dainty butterfly
Princess Tofu: Lovely. I think it's spelled wrong
Vladimir Yakamura: It's from a french website, so you can call France (the city of Lights, you know) and complain if you want
Princess Tofu: I remember the movie, and I thought was 2 L's. Sorry your Lordship.
Vladimir Yakamura: what movie?
Princess Tofu: Papilon. Dustin Hoffman and Steve McQueen on Devil's Island.
Vladimir Yakamura: Ooh, a family film
Vladimir Yakamura: that is spelled Papillon. Both spellings are correct
Princess Tofu: That's what I thought.
Vladimir Yakamura: i just looked up Butterfly in an online dictionary
Princess Tofu: Haven't you ever seen that film?
Vladimir Yakamura: Nope
Princess Tofu: My Bad.
Vladimir Yakamura: sounds ginchy, though
Princess Tofu: What's up buttercup?
Vladimir Yakamura: Not a damn thing. My knees are sore from kneeling on the concrete floor and painting
Princess Tofu: Thank god you said painting after that.....
Vladimir Yakamura: yeah, yeah. gutter brain
Princess Tofu: How did that go? Are you done?
Vladimir Yakamura: pretty much.
Vladimir Yakamura: we laughed, we cried, we rediscovered the bonds that make us all sons of man
Vladimir Yakamura: and children of Allah
Princess Tofu: And they thought it was going to take forever
Princess Tofu: lineage of Abraham
Princess Tofu: Just like the jews
Vladimir Yakamura: please don't use the "J" word
Princess Tofu: whatever. Don't be a hater.
Vladimir Yakamura: I'm a lover, not a fighter
Princess Tofu: That's what I hear.
Vladimir Yakamura: two weeks and a few days!
Princess Tofu: I read a fascinating story this morning about a guy who's head was basically empty. He had only a tiny sheet of brain tissue and a whole head of spinal tissue and I thought of my neighbor next door.
Princess Tofu: fluid
Vladimir Yakamura: I had a foster sister like that
Princess Tofu: really? which one
Vladimir Yakamura: I don't remember
Princess Tofu: The doctors gave him an MRI and couldn't believe what they saw. Said he had an IQ of 75 and was a civil servent. He developed a weakness in his right arm so they did the xrays. That is the wildest thing I have ever heard.
Vladimir Yakamura: Sounds like a hoax
Princess Tofu: I've heard of Anecephaly, where you are born with nothing but a rudimentary brain stem. They said he had an unusual amount of spinal fluid when he was a kid, so they put a shunt in his head till he was 12.
Princess Tofu: In fact he had kids and everything.
Princess Tofu: What really pisses me off is; he's got no brain and seems to be doing okay, and I have one and my life sucks. Where's the justice in life.
Vladimir Yakamura: First of all, until I see your MRI results I cannot in good conscience agree with your last statement
Princess Tofu: I have had many head xrays, so, I have actually seen that i have a brain. Thank you very much Mister!
Vladimir Yakamura: Maybe the many xrays killed it
Princess Tofu: Maybe i'm too stupid to volunteer.
Vladimir Yakamura: Probably. Most of them are.
Princess Tofu: allright, then I won't come
Vladimir Yakamura: Well, we might as well just cancel the whole thing, then!
Vladimir Yakamura: I'll start a telephone chain right now!
Princess Tofu: Well, go right ahead
Vladimir Yakamura: Telephone tree, sorry
Princess Tofu: I knew what you meant
Vladimir Yakamura: What if I had said Telephone Rock?
Princess Tofu: That's what i have. You bang them together and everyone runs to the cave.
Vladimir Yakamura: You should upgrade to drums
Princess Tofu: We're experimenting with fire right now
Vladimir Yakamura: all the cool tribes are using drums
Vladimir Yakamura: some of them even have smaller ones they carry around their necks. It's the iDrum
Princess Tofu: OOOOOOO! I've heard about that.
Princess Tofu: I hear there are problems with the iDrum though.
Vladimir Yakamura: wood rot
Princess Tofu: You pound on it and nothing happens.
Princess Tofu: Why is it that it seems to be raining everywhere in the world except for here?
Princess Tofu: Who did we piss off?
Vladimir Yakamura: We? Or you?
Princess Tofu: Shut up! I make my animal sacrifices all the time.
Princess Tofu: The gods cannot be displeased with me.
Vladimir Yakamura: God hates you
Princess Tofu: Which one?
Vladimir Yakamura: The big kahuna. Why do you want rain, anyways?
Princess Tofu: Because the leaves on the trees are already changing. There will be nothing left for fall.
Vladimir Yakamura: I see
Vladimir Yakamura: I thought you were worried about your crops
Princess Tofu: Well, that too. Paw is awful worried.
Vladimir Yakamura: That's too bad, half ass. I mean half pint.
Princess Tofu: Don't make me come over there in my robe and fuzzy slippers and kick your ass.
Vladimir Yakamura: Since you don't have a security card, I'm not too worried
Princess Tofu: I'll tell them I'm your mother.
Vladimir Yakamura: They all know my mother isn't in her 80s yet
Princess Tofu: F*ck you!
Vladimir Yakamura: She also doesn't swear like a sailor
Princess Tofu: I'll have to take your word for that
Princess Tofu: My mother liked to pick up sailors
Princess Tofu: Her eyes glaze over when it's fleet week in new york.
Vladimir Yakamura: The way you talk about your poor mother
Princess Tofu: What are you talking about. The guy she was dating before my dad was a sailor. And by the way, so was my dad.
Princess Tofu: She's got a thing about a man in uniform.
Vladimir Yakamura: Burger King uniforms?
Princess Tofu: doesn't make a difference
Vladimir Yakamura: she is easy
Princess Tofu: Like the oven